At one point in my life, I could tell you the fat, carbohydrates, protein, and calories in just about everything, because I’d memorized the data as a way to shrink or control my body. I was so proud of this “power” to be a human calculator. I felt as though I was a better dietitian, and a better human, because of this “skill”.
There was one particular moment when I started to realize my human food calculator brain was maybe a little…disordered. We were sitting at the Thankgiving table, and I was thinking deeply as I added up all the calories on my plate. Sometimes I even wrote down the food facts, on a little notebook, and on this day I did just that. I remember thinking “no one knows what I’m doing”, but then my cousin spoke up, “Gina, are you recording the calories of the food you’re eating?”. It was at that moment that I realized, whoa, this is not normal, nor healthy. I was embarassed. I’d been caught. It wasn’t for another 6 years that I actually started working on intuitive eating, and slowly working towards turning off that automatic calculator. Turning it off didn’t happen overnight, but eventually brain was rewired, and instead of focusing on objective food data, I can now focus more on subjective things such as, “Will this food make me feel good?”, “Will I enjoy this?”, “Will this food give me the energy I need”?
While I believed I felt better calculating my macros and other food metrics (for me and many others, more control = feeling better, at least in the short term), the truth is, I feel 100 percent better not doing it. Perhaps you’re more familiar with the calculation of something else that is prominent in in our diet-focused society; and that’s points. I’ve worked with several clients who have struggled to get that nagging “point calculator” to turn off. While this also takes times, it can be done. It’s true you can eventually order a meal without thinking about points, deficits, macros, etc. It’s true that one day, with work and lots of self-compassion, you can start to find and make peace with food.
Here is what I have learned since the days of calculating everything in my head;
- Just because I calculated data, didn’t mean I was getting what I needed
- Why? Because I wasn’t listening to my body. I was treating it like a robot or a machine that needed exactly a certain about of energy every day. Some days I probably ate more than I needed, other days far less.
- Calculating took the joy out of food and food experiences
- I never thought about satisfaction when I calculated, and therefore rarely enjoyed my food.
- Calculating kept me in my mind, and detached me from my body
- As I calcuated everything I ate, I was stuck in my executive brain/mind, while being completely detached from the important signals my body was giving me.
- Calculating caused guilt and shame when I inevitably went over my predetermined calculations
- Guilt and shame are an inevtiable part of a life that involves calculations and restrictions. The guilt and shame took over when I assumed I was a failure for not sticking to my arbitrary rules and guidelines. The truth is, my body was doing everything it could to protect me.
- Today, without a human calcuator brain, I am more present when I eat, more tuned in, and better able to experience not only physical fullness but emotional fullness, and both are important,
Diets care about one thing; shrinking your body. Diets want you to think about food as a transaction, not as a means of pleasure or satisfaction. In fact, diets want you to get little satisfaction from food, because in diets’ mind, satisfaction will cause cravings and loss of control. Diets are often short term because we as humans need more from food than just nourishment. We need to eat to live and to live to eat. We need both.
Learn more:
Sign up for an inturance-covered appointment with me through Nourish!
Visit my personal business website; www.NutritionUnmeasured.com
Check out my 10-module self-paced intuitive eating course on my new You Tube channel!!
